Zumba

I have started going to Zumba classes and I love it! I have only gotten to go twice, but it is great. It is the first time in my life that I have done any kind of exercise that i did not dread doing. I can only go once a week due to when the classes are offered and my schedule, but I wish I could go more. I am going to try something new tomorrow. I am going to meet my mom to walk before work. I am not a morning person at all, but I really think if I could get in the habit that it would make my days go much better. Plus it will be good to spend some time with my mom. I really want to start taking better care of my body and I know that exercise is an important part of that.

In other news I am back at cycle day one, which means the first round of clomid was definitely a fail. I am not going to be taking anything this cycle, other than my Metformin. I could probably have gotten another script for clomid, but due to some timing issues we have decided to go without it this month. I have been planning a trip to see one of my best friends who lives out of state for her 30th birthday and cannot miss it. Since we won't be doing medication this cycle I am going to try and really focus on lifestyle changes. I am feeling a lot better about things right now and am trying to put my faith in God that we will have a baby when the time is right!

Numb

I am feeling pretty numb right now. I am almost certain that this first round of Clomid didn't work. I am about a week late. I have tested twice, both of which were BFN. I guess there is a very small chance that I still could be pregnant since I haven't started yet. I seriously doubt it, I guess time will tell. Earlier today I really thought that I was gonna have a breakdown, but after seeing another negative test I just feel empty. I am just ready for Aunt Flo to arrive, so that I can move on to the next month.....

Day 1

So I am finally on cycle day one. I am very excited and very nervous all at the same time. I was beginning to think that I was never going to see this day. Now that it is here, I feel awful! I will not complain too much though, because it is for a good reason : ) I start my Clomid tomorrow, which has also got me kind of freaked out. Pray for no awful side effects and that it works!

Waiting

I have NEVER been a patient person, hence the name Impatient Cas. It seems like recently I have really had to start learning patience. There seems to always have been some event in my life that I just couldn’t wait on. The older I get the bigger and more life changing those events have become. I remember being 10 or 11 years old and just dying to be a teenager. I wanted so bad to be older. Then it was wanting to be 16 and getting my driver’s license. Then it was going to college and moving out of my parents’ house. Being single all through college and for the first few years afterwards nearly killed me, I wanted that relationship so bad. Once I met my now husband everything seemed to move in warp speed and there wasn’t as much impatience, although I did beg to move our wedding up at one point. He convinced me to be patient! Now I am back to waiting again and being frustrated and impatient. I finished my last provera pill last night, so now I wait for Aunt Flow to pay her visit. I did pretty good with the waiting part while I was taking the medication, but now I am so ready for the wait to be over. Any ideas on how to be more patient and to trust the process? I am scared to pray for patience. I have always been told that if you ask for patience, God will give you trials and who wants that : )

So it begins......

The doctor's appointment went pretty well in my opinion. I had the usual exam and then we began to discuss my options. I had to confess to not taking my Glucaphage faithfully, which was hard to admit, but I did it. We dicussed Clomid and the fact I haven't had a period in over 40 days. He didn't want to prescribe anything without an ultra sound to make sure I didn't have anymore crazy cyst. Luckily they had an opening right then so I got to go meet my favorite friend Mr. Wand. After that fun, which included a right ovary that was being shy, I met with the doc again. He said the ultra sound looked good and there weren't any huge crazy cyst : )

So here is the game plan.....I am on provera to induce a period, then 100 mg of Clomid after I start. I am also back on the Glucaphage, which I WILL take correctly this time! I am a little nervous about side effects of the provera and Clomid both. So far with the provera it hasn't been too bad, just a little bit of the sore boobs, which I can handle.

As far as the diet and exercise go, I have done ok so far this week. I haven't had any fast food and have mainly been drinking water. I also have been cooking more. I just keep telling myself that it will all be worth it when I have a baby in my arms!!!!!!!!!

Lets try this again....

So I wrote my last post with the best of intentions and proceeded to not follow through with anything I had written I was going to do. Instead of making excuses and rambling on and on about all of my issues with food and exercise I am go to just let it go and start over now.

I am really going to try to do better. I kept thinking that I would be pregnant by now, and that I would deal with the weight issue once I had the baby. Well I am not pregnant, nor am I any closer to getting pregnant. I need to quit planning for my fictional pregnancy and just take care of my body! I called to get an appointment with my OBGYN today. I was supposed to go back several months ago to discuss Clomid if I wasn’t pregnant. I have put it off hoping that we could do it on our own, but since that is not happening I sucked it up and made the call. Usually it takes at least a few weeks to get an appointment, but not this time. I go tomorrow afternoon! I am a little nervous, especially since I have gained about 30 lbs since I was there last. Plus it is past time for my yearly exam and that is anxiety inducing all on its own! Wish me luck and if you are the praying type say a little prayer for me.

Changes

That last post was a bit emotional and a lot negative....I'll try to keep this one more upbeat. I have been trying to figure out what changes I need to make to my lifestyle to help with my conceiving and with my health in general. After a little bit of research and asking others for advice I have a plan that I hope is going to be a good one for me. I know there are a few things that seem to be important (at least to me):

1. Exercise more days than not

2. Cut out the HFCS

3. Cut way back on the carbs and sugar

4. Limit the fast food

5. Limit caffeine

6. Drink more water

7. Eat more fruit and veggies

8. Eat less processed junk

These are some general guidelines that I am setting for myself. I know from past experience that I don't stick with a lot of huge changes all at once, so I am going to take baby steps this time. I started by cutting down on the caffeine. I did this about 2 weeks ago. It was hard for the first few days, but I am past the headache stage, which is great! I am not going to deprive myself of caffeine completely, but am not having it everyday either. I have also been paying more attention to what is in the foods I am eating and am trying to avoid things with HFCS. I guess the next step will be taking on the sugar and carbs. I think I am dreading this one the most. I LOVE sugary and carb filled goodies and they are definitely my weakness. Wish me luck!

Questions

Why is it so hard? Why do I feel so alone? Why does it come so easily to others? Why am I the only person I know in this situation right now? Why do I have to change everything? Why are there never 2 pink lines? Will I ever see two? Will I ever understand why this has happened to us? Will I ever get to be a happy glowing pregnant woman? Will I ever get to be called Mom? Will I ever get to give my husband the one thing he wants most in this world? Will I ever stop hurting and longing? Will we make it if it doesn't happen? Will this make me stronger or break me? Will the tears ever stop? Will I ever get the answers I want so bad??????

Today has been a hard day. Another negative pregnancy test. Some months are easier than others and for some reason this time it was hard to handle. Thanks to my good friend PCOS I am without a positive test and without cycle day one......

They Just Don't Understand

As I have already told you I have PCOS. This is very frustrating to me right now. I come from a family who are so fertile it is scary and somehow I am the odd man out. This shouldn't surprise me since odd things seem to happen to me and I am not the luckiest person in general. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I am very glad that there are so many of us and that we are all so close, but I am still jealous from time to time. It also makes it hard to talk to them about my fertility problems. All of the women in my family either got pregnant as soon as they decided they wanted a baby or had a surprise pregnancy while on birth control. They try to be supportive, but sometimes I think they just don't know what to say. I try not to compare myself to them since it doesn't help and we are all different. Some days it is easier to do this than others. Today I am struggling, but I know that I will be OK! I need to focus on what I can do about my situation, the things I do have control over.

Introduction

Hi! I guess this is where I let y'all know who I am and what this whole blog thing is all about. I am a southern girl in her late twenties and I am trying (unsuccessfully so far) to get pregnant. I have been married since Nov 2008 and we have been TTC since Sept 2009. It has been an interesting journey so far! I was diagnosed with PCOS in October 2009. I am still learning about PCOS and how to deal with it. For now we are not seeking any fertility treatments and are trying to get pregnant the old fashioned way, but that may soon change. If you have any advice or stories to share about PCOS, please feel free to do so.

I hope to use this blog to share our journey and to get to know other women who are going through infertility and TTC. I will probably talk about all kinds of other random things like my diet and exercise misadventures, my fabulous husband, and the rest of my crazy family and friends. I am an open book for the most part, so feel free to contact me if there is anything you want to know.